「双语」​“唉，妈，别再唠叨我了！”

寒假要到了，这是不是放假回家的你：起晚被骂，宅在家被骂，出去玩被骂，不做家务被骂，房间太乱被骂，玩手机被骂，玩电脑被骂...

你妈注定让你抓狂

Your Mom Is Destined to Annoy You

The New York Times

I have a 48-hour serenity limit when I’m with my parents. After two days, it’s like an alarm sounds inside me and sends me right back to 1999. I’m a petulant teenager again with a bad attitude, and everything my mother says, no matter how innocuous, inspires the response, “Ugh, Mom, stop nagging me!”

和父母在一起时，我只有48小时的心态平和期。但凡过了两天，我身体里就会像响起警报一样，让我重返1999年。我又会变成一个不耐烦的暴躁少年，妈妈说的每一句话，无论多么无害，都会引来我这样的反应：“唉，妈，别再唠叨我了！”

petulant

petulant /ˈpɛtjʊlənt/ 表示“使小性子的”，英文解释为“Someone who is petulant is unreasonably angry and upset in a childish way.”举个🌰：

His critics say he's just being silly and petulant.

批评他的人说，他真是又愚蠢又任性。

innocuous

innocuous /ɪˈnɒkjʊəs/ 表示“无害的；无意冒犯的”，英文解释为“Something that is innocuous is not at all harmful or offensive.”举个🌰：

Both mushrooms look innocuous but are in fact deadly. 

两个蘑菇看起来都无害，但实际上却能致命。

nag

表示“唠叨催促”，英文解释为“If someone nags you, or if they nag, they keep asking you to do something you have not done yet or do not want to do.”举个🌰：

The more Jane nagged her, the more stubborn Kangkang became. 

简越是对她唠叨不休，康康就越是固执。

This unstoppable regression, which has been going on since I left for college, felt worse once I became a parent myself. I am an extremely grown woman now, I thought. I am beyond this. But, like clockwork, by the third day of exposure to my mom and dad, I’d be back in the ’90s, scowling and blasting the Breeders in a borrowed Honda.

这种无法遏制的退化行为，从我上大学开始就一直在发生，当我自己成为家长后则变得更加严重。我以为我现在是个非常成熟的女性。我已经过了那个阶段了。但就像上了发条的钟一样，一到和父母接触的第三天，我又会置身90年代那辆借来的本田车里，皱着眉头高声播放着饲养员乐队(The Breeders)的音乐。

grown

表示“成年的”，英文解释为“A grown man or woman is one who is fully developed and mature, both physically and mentally.”举个🌰：

Few women can understand a grown man's love of sports. 

很少有女人能够理解成年男人对运动的喜爱。

blast

表示“突然大声按响；大声放（音乐）；突然发出巨响；（音乐）大声播放”，英文解释为“If you blast something such as a car horn, or if it blasts, it makes a sudden, loud sound. If something blasts music, or music blasts, the music is very loud.”如：drivers who do not blast their horns那些没有狂按喇叭的驾驶员。

I am far from alone in this. Psychologists even have a term to describe the way we fall back into predictable, maddening behavior patterns when we’re with our family of origin.

在这个问题上，我可不是孤例。心理学家甚至有一个术语来描述回到原生家庭时，我们身上出现的可预测的、令人抓狂的退化行为模式。

It's called family systems theory — the notion that families have an equilibrium, and each person has a fixed role that “is in service of keeping the family system intact,” said Pooja Lakshmin, M.D., a clinical assistant professor of psychiatry at the George Washington University School of Medicine & Health Sciences. So whatever your established role is — whether you’re the appeaser, or the family clown, or the petulant one — you’re going to be thrown right back there the second you walk through the door of your childhood home.

这个术语叫做家庭系统理论，乔治·华盛顿大学(George Washington University)医学与健康科学学院的精神病学临床助理教授普贾·拉克什明(Pooja Lakshmin)博士说，家庭都有各自的平衡，每个人在“维持家庭系统完好的过程中”都扮演着固定的角色。所以，不管你的既定角色是什么——安抚者、小丑或是脾气暴躁的人——当踏进童年时代家庭大门的一刻，你就会重新回到那个角色之中。

maddening

表示“使人恼火的”，英文解释为“If you describe something as maddening, you mean that it makes you feel angry, irritated, or frustrated.”举个🌰：

Shopping during sales can be maddening. 

促销期间购物会让人恼火。

原生家庭

原生家庭是指儿女还未成婚，仍与父母生活在一起的家庭。新生家庭就是夫妻双方组成的家庭，这样的家庭不包括夫妻双方的父母。

equilibrium

equilibrium /ˌiːkwɪˈlɪbrɪəm/ 1）表示“平衡”，英文解释为“Equilibrium is a balance between several different influences or aspects of a situation.”举个🌰：

Stocks seesawed ever lower until prices found some new level of equilibrium. 

股票进一步震荡下跌，直到找到某个新的平衡。

2）表示“平静”，英文解释为“Someone's equilibrium is their normal calm state of mind.”举个🌰：

I paused in the hall to take three deep breaths to restore my equilibrium. 

我在那个大厅停下，深吸了三口气以恢复平静。

Kira Birditt, Ph.D., a research associate professor at the University of Michigan who has studied tension between adult children and their parents, said that 94 percent of respondents in her study on the topic reported some kind of strife in their relationships. Research also shows that the connection between mothers and adult daughters is especially fraught; Dr. Birditt described it as “the closest and most irritating” of almost all relationships. (One of the most life-changing episodes of my early adulthood was noticing my own mother get sulky at something her mother said.)

密歇根大学(University of Michigan)的研究副教授基拉·伯迪特(Kira Birditt)博士一直在研究成年子女及父母之间的紧张关系，她表示，在她关于这一主题的研究中，94%的受访者声称他们的关系存在某种冲突。研究还表明，母亲和成年女儿之间的关系尤其紧张。伯迪特称这几乎是所有人际关系中“最亲密也最气人的”。（在我刚成年的时候发生的改变我人生的事之一，就是注意到自己的母亲会对她母亲所说的话生气。）

strife

strife /straɪf/ 表示“冲突”，英文解释为“Strife is strong disagreement or fighting.”举个🌰：

Money is a major cause of strife in many marriages. 

钱在许多婚姻中是导致冲突的一个主要原因。

fraught

1）表示“充满（问题或风险）的”，英文解释为“If a situation or action is fraught with problems or risks, it is filled with them.”举个🌰：

The earliest operations employing this technique were fraught with dangers. 

最早采用这一技术的手术充满了危险。

2）表示“令人担忧的”，英文解释为“If you say that a situation or action is fraught, you mean that it is worrisome or difficult. ”举个🌰：

It has been a somewhat fraught day. 

这是令人颇为担忧的一天。

sulky

sulky /ˈsʌlkɪ/ 表示“生闷气的”，英文解释为“Someone who is sulky is sulking or is unwilling to enjoy themselves.”举个🌰：

I was quite sulky, so I didn't take part in much. 

我相当闷闷不乐，所以没有怎么参与。

So, how do you get through the holidays with your folks without losing your damn mind? Here’s some sanity-preserving advice.

那么，要如何心平气和地与家人一起度过假期呢？这里有一些帮你保持理智的建议。

sanity

1）表示“明智；理智；通情达理”，英文解释为“the state of being sensible and reasonable”举个🌰：

After a series of road accidents the police pleaded for sanity among drivers.

在发生一系列交通事故之后，警方提请驾驶人要谨慎驾车。

2）表示“精神健全；神志正常”，英文解释为“the state of having a normal healthy mind”举个🌰：

His behaviour was so strange that I began to doubt his sanity.

他行为怪异，我有点怀疑他是否神智正常。

Prepare for your inevitable regression. It’s not a question of if the regression is going to happen, it’s when. Dr. Lakshmin advised that you do some mental work before visiting your family so that you can avoid triggering your worst behaviors. Ask yourself: Are there particular topics of conversation or physical places that tend to send your family into a tizzy? And then try to avoid those topics and places. Even changing scenery can help jog you out of old patterns, so if the family dinner table always devolves into chaos, try going out to eat one night and see if it improves relations.

为不可避免的退化行为做好准备。这不是你是否会退化的问题，而是何时出现退化行为的问题。拉克什明博士建议，当你拜访家人之前，做一些心理准备工作，这样就可以避免触发最糟糕的行为。先问问你自己：有没有什么特定的话题或现实场合会刺激你的家人发疯？如果有，就请避开这些话题和场合。即使是变换一下环境，也能帮你从旧有模式中走出来，所以，如果家庭晚宴的餐桌上总会出现闹剧，试着出去吃一顿，看看是否能改善关系。

tizzy

表示“心慌意乱”，英文解释为“If you get in a tizzy or into a tizzy, you get excited, worried, or nervous about something, especially something that is not important.”举个🌰：

He was in a complete tizzy, muttering and swearing.

他心慌意乱的，嘴里咕咕哝哝地咒骂着。

jog

表示“轻推；轻撞”，英文解释为“If you jog something, you push or bump it slightly so that it moves.”举个🌰：

Avoid jogging the camera.

不要碰摄像机。

devolve

本义表示“（权力、责任）下放；（金钱，财产）转给，传给，移交”，英文解释为“If you devolve power, authority, or responsibility to a less powerful person or group, or if it devolves upon them, it is transferred to them.”此处devolve into英文解释为：to degenerate through a gradual change or evolution，devolve into chaos可以理解为陷入混乱，如：The scene devolved into chaos.

Try to find empathy. The most typical negative mother-daughter interaction involves this dynamic: Adult daughters feel criticized by their mothers, and mothers feel their daughters are being too sensitive, said Deborah Tannen, Ph.D., a professor of linguistics at Georgetown University and the author of “You’re Wearing That? Understanding Mothers and Daughters in Conversation.” How the grandchildren are being raised is a major trigger for this dynamic, Dr. Tannen said: “Many women told me that they could take criticism about anything except their mothering skills.”

试着找到同理心。乔治敦大学(Georgetown University)语言学教授、《你穿这个？用对话理解母女》(You’re Wearing That? Understanding Mothers and Daughters in Conversation)一书的作者黛博拉·坦南(Deborah Tannen)博士表示，最典型的负面母女互动总包含这样一种动态：成年女儿觉得受到了母亲的批评，而母亲又觉得女儿太过敏感。如何抚育孙辈是引发这一动态的主要因素，坦南博士说：“很多女性告诉我，除了育儿技能，她们基本什么批评都可以接受。”

empathy

表示“同感能力；共情”，英文解释为“Empathy is the ability to share another person's feelings and emotions as if they were your own. ”举个🌰：

Having begun my life in a children's home, I have great empathy with the little ones. 

在一家儿童福利院长大使我对这些小孩子们怀有深深的同感。

Dr. Tannen’s advice for grandparents: Bite your tongue, because even the most benign (to you) suggestion may be perceived as criticism. Her advice for adult daughters is, “try to remind yourself that it feels like criticism, but it is an expression of caring.” Your mother just wants everything to go well for you, and she’s trying to help (even if it makes you want to scream into a pillow).

坦南博士给祖父母的建议是：不要多话，因为即便是（在你看来）最善意的建议，也可能被视为批评。她给成年女儿们的建议则是，“试着提醒自己，虽然那听起来像是批评，但却是关心的表现。”你的母亲只是希望你一切都顺利，而她想尽力帮上忙（即使这让你想埋在枕头里尖叫）。

bite one's tongue

表示“缄口不语”，英文解释为“to stop yourself from saying something that you would really like to say”举个🌰：

I wanted to tell him exactly what I thought of him, but I had to bite my tongue.

我本想明确告诉他我对他的看法，可是不得不保持沉默。

benign

benign /bɪˈnaɪn/ 1）表示“（人）和善的”，英文解释为“You use benign to describe someone who is kind, gentle, and harmless. ”举个🌰：

They are normally a more benign audience. 

他们通常是更为和善的观众。

2）表示“（物质或过程）无害的”，英文解释为“A benign substance or process does not have any harmful effects.”举个🌰：

We're taking relatively benign medicines and we're turning them into poisons. 

我们拿相对无害的药品，把它们转化成毒药。

3）表示“（肿瘤）良性的”，英文解释为“A benign tumour will not cause death or serious harm.”举个🌰：

It wasn't cancer, only a benign tumour.

这不是癌，只是良性肿瘤。

4）表示“（环境；条件）宜人的”，英文解释为“Benign conditions are pleasant or make it easy for something to happen.”举个🌰：

They enjoyed an especially benign climate.

他们那里的气候十分宜人。

Make space for yourself. You will need an escape hatch from time to time. “Whether this means hiding out in the bathroom for 10 minutes to cool down, structuring the length of visits or springing for a hotel rather than staying in your parents’ guest room,” make sure you’re somehow creating a space where you can get some emotional distance from your family, said Harriet Lerner, Ph.D., a clinical psychologist and author of “The Dance of Anger: A Woman’s Guide to Changing the Patterns of Intimate Relationships.” I always make sure I can exercise in the morning when I’m with family — it gives me a break from them and also is a good conduit for ambient rage.

给自己留点空间。你有时会需要一个逃生出口。临床心理学家、《愤怒之舞：改变亲密关系模式的女性指南》(The Dance of Anger: A Woman’s Guide to Changing the Patterns of Intimate Relationships)一书作者哈丽雅特·莱纳(Harriet Lerner)博士说，“不管这意味着要在浴室里躲10分钟冷静一下、安排好拜访的时间长短，还是花钱住旅馆而不是住在父母家的客房”，你都要确保自己能创造一个可以与家人产生一定情感距离的空间。当我和家人在一起时，总要确保自己能进行晨练——这让我从他们之中解脱出来，同时也是发泄对周遭环境愤怒的好渠道。

hatch

1）作名词，表示“舱口；舱口盖”，英文解释为“A hatch is an opening in the deck of a ship, through which people or cargo can go. You can also refer to the door of this opening as a hatch.”举个🌰：

He stuck his head up through the hatch. 

他把脑袋伸出舱口。

2）作动词，表示“策划”，英文解释为“If you hatch a plot or a scheme, you think of it and work it out.”举个🌰：

He has accused opposition parties of hatching a plot to assassinate the pope. 

他曾指责各反对党阴谋策划暗杀教皇。

spring for

1）表示“（替别人）付…的账”，英文解释为“(informal) to pay for sth for sb else”举个🌰：

I'll spring for the drinks tonight.

今晚的饮料我来付账。

补充：

spring from sth表示“由某事物造成；起源于（或来自）某事物”，英文解释为“( formal ) to be caused by sth; to start from sth”，举个🌰：

The idea for the novel sprang from a trip to India.

写这部小说的想法源于一次去印度的旅行。

conduit

表示“渠道；通道”，英文解释为“A conduit is a person or country that links two or more other people or countries.”举个🌰：

Pakistan became a conduit for drugs produced in Afghanistan. 

巴基斯坦成了阿富汗制造的毒品的贩运通道。

ambient

表示“周围环境的；周围的”，英文解释为“relating to the surrounding area; on all sides”，如：ambient temperature/light/conditions  周围的温度/光线/环境。

Don’t expect change. The last thing to remember is that there won’t be a magical solution to your family trauma over the holidays, Dr. Lakshmin said. December is a stressful time — mental health professionals say it’s particularly hard on their patients — and it’s not the time to bring up old baggage and expect to work through it.

不要期待改变。拉克什明博士说，节日期间的家庭创伤不会有神奇的解决方案。12月本就是充满压力的季节——心理健康专家都说这段时间对他们的病人尤其艰难——所以，这可不是翻旧账并以为能解决这些问题的好时机。

bring up

表示“提出”，英文解释为“If you bring up a particular subject, you introduce it into a discussion or conversation.”举个🌰：

He brought up a subject rarely raised during the course of this campaign. 

他提出了一个在该运动进程中很少被提及的话题。

baggage

表示“（因阅历而形成的）信仰，看法”，英文解释为“the beliefs and attitudes that sb has as a result of their past experiences”举个🌰：

She was carrying a lot of  emotional baggage.

她背负着很多感情包袱。

- END -

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